Need a pep talk on singledom? Inspirational speaker and mentor Rebecca Campbell has got this
You’re actually already in the most important relationship of your life. You were born in it and you will die in it. It has the potential to make you feel loved up and blissfully happy or unsupported and frustratingly alone. It is both the most rewarding and most challenging relationship you will ever experience. It’s the relationship that you have with yourself.
If you’re single, this time you have right now is a total gift. Don’t underestimate the power this window will have on the rest of your life. The person you will attract when you truly love yourself will be completely different to the one you’ll attract if you don’t.
So many of us spend our single years longing for sometime to complete us (hello Jerry Maguire). But the thing about waiting for someone to come along before we can feel loved is that it suggests that we are not whole in the first place. And this is what creates a co-dependent kind of love.
Co-dependent love is needy, it requires someone else to be our savior. If you don’t love yourself first, saying I love you is the equivalent of saying “I need you in order to feel loved”.
But if you enter a relationship feeling whole and loving yourself already, you will not need that person to do anything in order to feel loved. And instead of “falling” in love, you can actually “rise in love” instead.
Relationships are like constant mirrors, reflecting back to us how we feel about ourselves. So if you want to attract someone that adores you, start by adoring yourself. If you are feeling unsupported, how can you begin to support yourself? If you are not feeling heard, how can you listen more to that little voice inside of you? If you want someone to buy you flowers, start by buying them for yourself.
Relationships are one of the best things about life. They can also be pretty freaking challenging.
The best way to find yourself in amazing relationships is to invest in the relationship you have with yourself.
Samantha puts it the best in Sex and the City when she says to Smith (and Richard) “I love you, but I love me more”.
If you can find a way to love yourself regardless of who is around you, then it takes the pressure off the people around you and you will forever be in a space of love.
Rebecca Campbell is author of Light Is the New Black: A Guide to Answering Your Soul's Callings and Working Your Light , out now from Hay House. Find out more on her website .
As times have changed, so have our dating habits. From the ancient era of arranged marriages to improve our wealth or status, to the Pride and Prejudice days of being formally introduced, to the past century of meeting through work or through social settings—the modern world approaches dating differently.
With the rapid growth of technology, the world we occupy went digital, and dating followed suit. Since the first Internet dating site appeared in 1995, online dating has quickly flourished. Following the early stigma of meeting someone online, a recent survey indicated that online dating is now the second most popular way to meet our other half! In fact, almost a quarter of the people surveyed had met their current partner online.
So what does the future hold for online dating? Well, the coast looks clear… With our increasingly busy lives, many singles are switching to online dating, and with the advent of apps such as Tinder where you can look for romance on your phone while getting the bus to work, it's easy to see why. The online dating giants predict that by 2030, half of all new couples will have met online, and by 2040, a staggering 70 per cent!
What form this online dating will take is a popular topic. Some suggest that online dating will go, ironically, offline, with a plethora of new apps encouraging their members to meet in person and quickly take the relationship back into reality.
It's undeniable that most people wanted to meet like-minded partners with similar interests. With tons of specific dating sites for vegetarians, uniformed staff, and football fans, some experts predict that online dating will simply become smarter and better at finding us suitable candidates.
The idea behind this is that complex algorithms could eventually find us the perfect match if they know enough about us, not from the 90's-style questionnaires, but from analyzing our online behaviour. In particular, apps such as Facebook with its wealth of knowledge, or should I say, data about our lives and social circles, could play a big role in matchmaking. This "behaviour-based matching", as it's known, would analyse where we go and what we do, and direct us to those who display similar behavior.
In physical terms, online dating looks set to grow with the advancement in new technologies such as virtual reality wearables, allowing us to "experience" the other person in all five senses before we actually meet them. What might sound like a far-fetched Sci-fi film might be the norm by 2040, with full-sensory virtual reality dates. Similarly, smart contact lenses that record our body's reactions to those around us might enable technology to discern who we'll find attractive in the future.
If these technologies were combined with online dating, we could find potential partners who we are both compatible with and find attractive, faster and easier. And if all of this data could be analysed and matched against millions of other people's data, finding "the one" could become a reality.